Every Year I write something about father’s day somewhere. Usually what the entire post boils down to is that my dad is great and you can suck on biscuits. There is also something about how the holiday is dumb, how the tone of the marketing is so fucked up, how you aren’t obligated to love your dad but don’t dare come at me projecting daddy issues on me, cause I ain’t got em.
Really. I say this all the time. This time I’m addressing all of you idiots out here making broad sweeping generalizations about black fatherhood. Is my dad perfect? Nope. Is my dad even the best he could be? Not even close. But does he try hard? Absolutely. And really, I can’t ask more. He’s a black going so far out of his way to do what he can for his kids it kills him sometimes. Seriously. Sometimes literally wrecks himself trying to make sure all of us are okay. This doesn’t mean he makes all the right decision, or even that he’s a good person. Now, I think he is a good person, but that is actually a separate issue from whether or not he’s a good dad.
I hate how father’s day is a national excuse for everyone to look at black men and talk about how fucked up they are. It’s a day where everyone gets the green light to shit on black people. What’s doubly frustrating is how many black people line up to join the party. The idea of the absentee black father is used to help perpetuate so many other myths about black people, and yet so few people fight against it. It gets worse the longer the war on drugs goes on, the more school funding gets cut, the farther gentrification goes on, the bigger private prisons get, the more police brutatilty goes unchecked and the more our society decides to pretend like racism doesn’t exist anymore. This goes hand in hand with welfare queen myths and the idea that gangs are raising black kids to be violent monsters from the time they pop out their crack head moms. It’s all related, and talking shit about black dudes is not helping even in the slightest.
Yeah, I know your dad wasn’t any good, and I’m not telling you to celebrate him. What I’m saying is that your continual anti-father stance is bullshit and fucked up. This continual narrative of how terrible all these guys are needs to stop. Know what? Black men don’t need to stand up and take accountability. They’re doing that. The world is littered with black fathers doing big things.
I don’t celebrate father’s day because I appreciate my dad all the time. I spend a lot of my time talking about how great he is and good a job he does, because he is a reflection on all black fathers. Anything that happens in my life can be tied back to my parents. All the things I do end up reflecting on whether or not my dad taught me to be a good enough man or not. It all reflects on whether or not he set a good enough example for me.
So yes, I do resent your jokes about black men not being good fathers. I resent you painting my father as some sort of plague on society. I’m tired of him not getting the credit for the job he’s done despite the circumstance. I’m sorry yours wasn’t as good, but I won’t let you drag mine down. He’s had to work too hard to let you say anything about him being worthless. He’s done too many good things for my life for me to not, at least, write this rebuttal to all the stupid articles saying how he needs to do more. Why can’t he be the face of black fatherhood instead of whatever bullshit image you try to pull up? Why not any of my three living grandfather’s who have had to struggle through so much garbage this stupid country threw and continues to throw at them to be the men they are?
Sure your ain’t shit dad may be a problem, but it’s a systematic problem that can’t even begin to be fixed until we handle some larger societal problems first. Know what isn’t helping to fix any of those problems. You consistently talking shit about black fathers and the state of black fatherhood. So sincerely, on behalf of the millions of black fathers out here just thoroughly kicking ass, shut the fuck up. I just don’t want to hear anything from you right now.