This is where I said the same thing I just said, but with slightly different words. Seriously.
Look, I know every single one of you had the single worst father of all time.
I DIDN’T. I will not take part in this national “all father’s suck” campaign. My dad isn’t an idiot. He hasn’t spent his entire life running away from the responsibility of raising children. He doesn’t go into any of your stupid gender tropes about dad’s not having any clue how anything works. My dad is just a regular black guy trying to do the best he can by his family while navigating this incredibly fucked up and racist society telling him how he has no particular value or worth to society. He’s told that he’s responsible for all the mythical wellfare queens and high poverty rates, and kids dropping out of high school and selling drugs, and increased rate of gangs, and putting kids in prison. We know all of this is bullshit, but it doesn’t stop people from telling him that. And through all of it, he manages to find it in himself to do some good. He’s never once done a single thing to harm me or any of his children. He’s not perfect, or even doing the best he possibly could, but he tries hard. Sometimes society gets him down and it’s hard for him, but that never stops him from crushing his duties out of the park when he’s called on. Shit, he’s a father to kids that aren’t even his. I went by the house a few days ago and there were like twelve kids in there and he was handling all of them. This isn’t even a slightly uncommon occurrence.
I’m not saying you have to celebrate your dad. I know he was awful, but that was your dad. Not mine. You don’t have the right to say that mine was a piece of shit or was worthless. You don’t have the right to say that if I choose to say nice thing about him or celebrate how awesome he is every day of the year that I’m somehow doing something wrong and inappropriate. Am I combative about this? Damn right I am. That’s only because I have to listen to so many people all year long tell me about how the entire concept of dads are stupid like no one has ever had a good father, and especially not a good black one. You can hate your father all you like. You can hate father’s day. I hate father’s day. I hate mother’s day too. I hate all of those stupid false celebratory holidays. Making it socially obligatory to give props to someone who hasn’t done anything for you doesn’t make any sense (why I don’t celebrate the 4th of july either, or president’s day, or columbus day, or really, any american holidays outside of MLKjr day and Juneteenth. Cause they’re all about how cool white people who had slaves and killed native Americans were).
The only thing all this hang ringing over father’s day does is cement the idea further that dude parents aren’t any good. When you grow up hearing that father’s are, at the best, goofballs who are stupid and aren’t good at anything but being tough and putting holes in walls or at worst, violent child molesting serial killers, it doesn’t give you a lot to look up to. When you add race in the mix it only gets worse. Society is constantly telling me I can’t look up to my father because black men as a whole are worthless. So my celebrating of my father is an active act of rebellion against society constantly saying he isn’t any good.
What I hate more than that, is you saying that me choosing to buy my dad lunch today from some crappy fast food restaurant cause it’s all we can actually afford is something that shouldn’t happen. Cause that’s dumb.