Hypocritical Hyperbole

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Wednesday Comics Post Mortem Part 3: Superman October 25, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Micah Griffin @ 20:49

When Wednesday Comics was first being announced one of the headlining notes was the Superman strip appearing in USA Today for the first week. If you wanted an art piece to show people I’m not sure there was a better week one showcase. It was something easy to digest. Easy on the eyes as they say. That’s good, cause it’s the best part of this strip.

Normally I give my overall thoughts on a section of wednesday comics at the end, but I’ll just tell you this straight up. Not a fan. Not a fan at all. So be prepared for nine hundred word stream of conciousness that happened as I tried to comprehend what John Arcudi was doing.

Superman is a tricky character to do. I understand that. It’s hard to make him relate to a lot of people. You have to rely on his human emotions. That’s all well and good, there’s one thing though that just never works. Depressed Superman. The first and only really needed failing of this story was that the main conflict centered around Superman dealing with not knowing whether or not he belonged here. Yup. Sorry, hoss. If this was a young superman “I’m adopted” storyline then we can talk. I don’t like it, but at least it makes a little bit of sense. This is a Superman that’s been around a while.

First page he fights some green alien that looks totally boss, then the alien is all “Kryptonian, you don’t belong here. Do you?” And that is what sends Superman into a cosmic death spiral? Really? Crazy talk.He goes and chat’s it up with his boy Batman in Gotham, and gets the most sage advice he can get. “Super Prozac.” I don’t see how this is unreasonable. Bermejo’s Superman Batman look pretty neat together. Sure they stay in one pose for the entire page just chillin on a gargoyle chattin’ it up, doesn’t stop it from looking cool.

It really is amazing how slow this story moves. Clark feels down and decides to go to Smallville. Not home to  his wife, but back to a Kansas farm totally wearing his Super PJs. Of course no one is going to follow him, but still, it’s not smart thinking. If the Kents had anything resembling neighbors they’d sure know who Superman was now.

PAUSE BREAK! Children:Why can’t anyone draw them. It’s shocking how bad people are at drawing children that look like children. Dig Page Four. Go ahead. Look at it. Is that Chucky running around the fairground. Guard your women and children! If Clark Kent should be worried about anything it’s that thing. I wonder what it is about drawing a face that looks like it could be between five and sixteen. No one has the ability to make this look good. Even Bermejo. I’d love to see alex ross draw a sixty looking fourteen year old. BACK TO ACTION!

WAIT! Not time for action, time for more moping around. He just spent a day at the fair and can’t be happy. Fried Cotton Candy on a stick! How is he not just beaming from ear to ear? I’ll never understand the guy. (Flash Fact: Cotton Candy makes me url. Any more than one bite and my body absolutely shuts down). Know what gets you feeling like you really belong somepleace? No? I’ll tell you. Looking at a history of the planet that blew up to send you to where you are. That definitely perks you right up.

BOOM! A  house blows up. Know what’s neat? Superman sleeps in his uniform. (this is totally breaking all  kind of rules, but Faith Hill? I think it’s her. But whoever it is that sings the terrible Sunday Night Football intro needs their vocal cords taken out. Shit’s awful. And now you know when I wrote this piece 10-18-2009. and it probably won’t post until November.  That’s just how I roll.) Anyway. BOOM! A house blows up. That’s really the ONLY thing that happens in one of these weeks.

Oh! There is something positive. When there actually is a fight scene they include WHACKS, THWACKS, and WHOMPS! WHOMP! Uh Oh! We’ve figured something out. These alien villains can read minds! Now, there’s no motivation yet, other than kicking the snot out of superman, but we have a clue. And that’s more than we’ve had so far through this entire run. These aliens have big lips. Not so attractive faces either, they should definitely keep the masks on. Nothing good going on there.

Now, Wednesday Comics Superman has been a pretty big dolt up until now, and all of a sudden he becomes way smart. Know what the villain does? Not only does the villain read minds, but it talks to superman. Now, superman couldn’t notice someone feeding him thoughts of depression, sending him back through his entire life to find a weakness they could use. Also, the three Aliens are a hive mind. So, superman decides to. . . think really hard.

YESSIR! That’s how you defeat a collective hive mind of angry aliens with the power to make you melancholy. Think real hard. And if you want any specefic things to think of superman gives a nice list.

1. Supergirl

2. Darksied.

3. Picking up a car.

4. Dying.

5. Lex Luthor contemplating what hair style he’s going to go with today.

6. One of the nastier looking Bizarros. Just looks like he’s short a chromosome, not backwards.

But I guess that’s enough to rock the crap out of a group of aliens trying to take over Superman’s crap. And, even though the Neural Node is gone from Superman’s Head he still feels the need to announce to the town that his parents live there. Yeah he whispered, but hen he shouted about it.

OH WAIT! LOIS! Yes, your wife. You haven’t talked to her since Friday you goober. Don’t worry, she isn’t wearing her wedding ring anyway. And Batman came through to Metropolis to give her some business. You know he did. Bruce Wayne is a playboy. He also took out the alien monster you left there, CK.

OH WAIT! I didn’t even notice this on my first read through. Dig the last page of the story. He totally calls  Lois from a pay phone. With people listening around. Yup. Definitely the worst I’ve read so far. Fortunately, that’s only stories, and the worst is yet to come.

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