Hypocritical Hyperbole

The Abomination of Obama's Nation

Baton Down the Hatches? August 22, 2009

Noooo, that’s not right. It’s batten. Point still stands! Post every day? Redouble my efforts in this weird online space to build readership and improve my writing style? Find things to actually talk about on a daily basis?

We all know it’s not going to happen. I hate blogging, for that matter I hate blogs and the internet at large. The whole thing sucks. Except when it comes to getting me free stuff, like the entire clone saga, all of the old Secret Origins, and some neat 90s crossovers. There should be a way for me to telepathically dictate this thing out so there’s content on a regular basis. Even if that was the case I don’t know what on earth people would find interesting.

Met me tell you ’bout my life. I spent five minutes with that cool tape you use for dryer vents trying to stick my RF cable to my window so I can have semi-decent reception for a Panther’s preseason game. Yup.  I had made plans to go to a bar and watch it, but people all suddenly had a severe case of immediate dirty hair syndrome that needed to be corrected in the very serious here and now. No biggie, gave me time to clean my house. The whole thing. Well, not the walls that’s a major project for later. Both my tubs, my floors, all three sinks, the two toilets, the porch, the trash can (yeah cleaned the trash can), the cabinets under the sinks, the dining room table, the lemonade table (I don’t drink coffee), and the tires on my bike. Why? My bike gets hella jealous if I don’t take care of it. I don’t think I can ever get a roommate with it around. If I put it out on the porch it’ll get rusty and try to kill me, I’m not putting it in my room, that’s for my books, the second bedroom is where it’s at now. Just chllin’ with an old monitor, an 11″ tv, and a bunch of old video games I don’t play because my xbox broke and I am too lazy to hook the ps2 up to anything.

How would you baton down a hatch? The US Team For Running Fast found a way to hack up a baton. Guy’s, it’s not that hard. I see seven year olds do it all the time. One guy is running, the other guy starts running, and the first guy gives the baton to the second guy. Done. End of story. You win the race, get the fly honeys and bask in Bolt’s shadow. Pretend it’s your penis you’re grabbing and if you bobble it or get it out of the zone you’ll lose it. How about that? Bet you guys wouldn’t drop it then would you?

See, this is a terrible posting, I could’ve taken all these ideas and expanded upon them, split them up, and had postings for three or four days. Good longs ones, but I just lack focus and dedication to the craft. I have some awkward first world malaise or something. Dang it, have to go fix my television signal.

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